Monday, October 1, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Going back to the year of 2008, this year I have finished my schooling but I didn’t pass with flying colours. The day my results were out I was more of afraid than being excited unlike my friends & their parents and of course my parents as well, because somewhere I knew my exam was not up to the mark to as of my friends. Well, I can justify my poor performance but that would not change the grades I scored or the unhappiness I have seen in my parent’s eyes. My parents wanted me to pursue engineering but with the marks I have scored, no decent engineering college would allow me to sit for their entrance exam. But I’ve to go to my college the same year, so I decided to take admission in a business administration college situated in Kolkata. I thank god that I’ve at least passed my school exams & got into some college and moved on with hopes & blessings from my parents & god.
Kolkata was completely a new city for me to live in. Well, Kolkata is the cheapest metro ever India has seen but unfortunately the dirtiest metro too. Most of the things in or of Kolkata were new to me that time, the City Centres, the Metro Railways, the Park Street restaurants, the overcrowded local trains, the cacophonous traffic-jams, the historical buildings & temples, the crowd of Esplanade and not to forget the beautiful bong girls sometimes in tight jeans showing the curves of their buttock and sometimes the modest beauty in Sari. This city made me learn many new aspects of life, like, very few people get the opportunity to do something good and when you get the opportunity don’t let it go waste but capitalise it. This city made a competitive bloke, the competition without any variable results but satisfaction, the satisfaction of the untold competition between us which made me realise my life in a certain way. As each day passed, I grew old with this city knowing some happenings in and around it, it was like that, this city has started to remove the veil from its face and let me know its secrets. The impacts of the happenings around the city were both good and bad depending upon how the people there perceived the situation. The funniest thing about this city is about Bengalis (I’m a Bengali too), they will argue with non-Bengalis keeping a safe distance so that their face doesn’t get any blows. Honestly, this is a beautiful place to live in and rest one’s life.
My three years of college passed in no time. I started to give home tuitions from which I could earn enough pocket money, the best time pass you can do where you can earn money and respect and capacity too. Thankfully got few jewels of life, my classmates cum friends without whom those three years would have been a waste. The professors who given their time religiously for the lectures, most of them were good at making us understand the concept of the subject, thank you all for your effort and helping me and my friends pass our graduation with decent scores. There were times I have been through bad times, and then my friends gave me sympathy and empathy too.
After finishing college, most of my friends went for their MBA, though my close friends wanted a job somewhere. I gave an interview, can’t make it through. I was happy instead being unselected in the interview, I never wanted to do a job and moreover I was not prepared for any job right then. One of my friends was too desperate for a job, he searched for a week or so then finally got a decent one and forced me to join. I went for the walk-in interview but with a condition applied, that we will leave within 5-6 months and go for MBA together. TCS, it was and for a month I have to go through an initial training, it was a good experience, I got the “Silver Certificate” and declared ‘Silver Performer’ out of the 30 freshers who joined TCS based on my performance in the training. Then the main work to be done in the office started just after my training, mine was completely a night shift job. That was not at all a problem for me, nor was the work done on the floor but yes, my boss to some extent. I hated her unnecessary screams at under performers, they needed to be guided and taught in a different way to minimise their errors, screaming doesn’t help always in MNCs. I tried to help my co-workers, understanding how they want to learn things and what the best way to make them learn is, keeping them at peace. They learned the process slowly, but they learnt by heart. I earned most of my co-worker’s love and respect, and I respected them back. The one thing which is important in an organisation apart from working is, being observant and responding accordingly, follow this rule you’ll rise big in any organisation. I left the organisation in around 6 months, while working my day become night and night become my day, a vice-versa routine of a normal human being. On the last working day during the last hours, everybody gathered and to my surprised and asked me to say a few words, ‘I enjoyed working with you guys.’ I said. I couldn’t say much, a flow of emotional feelings rushed through me, a lump in my throat. Some of my co-employees will be always remembered, they’re in my heart.
We together gave the entrance exams and applied to the same colleges, gave our GD/PI together and got selected in a decent college in Pune. This is mid of 2012.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Everyone loves in order to get loved back, to see the world around us loving each other. I loved all my girlfriends the way they wanted to accept my love for them. When I was with those girls, I was like the water which takes the shape of the container in which it is poured & kept. But finally the container gets corroded in course of time and the water leaked from the hole in the container and all those containers were empty soon because all the containers were perhaps made up of iron except the first container which was made up of copper instead. But some external force made the container to fall down and spill the water out of it, though still few drops of water remains in the copper container and so my first love & I can’t get away separate ways even after years of our break up though she insists she loves someone else now.
When I was in school I merely knew what love is. But it was her voice which made me realise that love is listening to her voice, love is answering her stupid questions, love is annoying her and then again pampering her with utmost care, my love understands her silence and her breaths. But after loving, fighting & caring for two years both of us moved apart without saying any words to anyone. We both got busy in our lives. I moved to another city and a year later after completing her higher secondary exams she too moved to some other city for pursuing her higher studies. As the distance between us become larger, another boy who was already inclined towards her somehow made a chance to enter into her life and she never knew when she too fall for that other guy.
I never cared to get back to her in those past years, even though I missed her a lot. But one late night at around 2a.m, I got a call from an unknown number, it was her voice and I was surprised to hell. We were gossiping for last 3 long hours but those three hours were still nothing to express how much we missed her in a year. That night she kissed me through the phone and told me about the guy she loves now. It was like she made the castle of sand for me and ruined it herself in matter of moments. She never left any option in front of me other than to accept her as someone else’s love and I did that. After that night, I fought hard to find love in some other girl and I succeeded but my success couldn’t go long for more than six months. Like this three years passed and in these three years too many break ups for me and I never liked it anyways. I saw each of my break-ups as a new beginning for the unnamed love and I found some new forms in me like a loner, a writer, a kind of poet and a flirt. Being a loner I walked all the alleyways and subways in my surrounding area which I believed to be the best way to know at least some part of a city. It was then when one of my ex girlfriend left me when I started to write poems and now it’s something I can’t imagine to live without. Special thanks to her for leaving me alone otherwise I couldn’t have found the writer or the poet in me. The days of Kolkata, along with several break-ups and patch-ups with different girls made me a flirt. A simple boy who hardly dares to stare at girls becomes a flirt and all my thanks to girls. Even my first love says so and the reason for this is that I am very polite and decent while communicating with girls.
And let me be very honest, girls are capricious like our life and it’s better if we don’t try to understand them and if we try to understand them then we may derive the wrong conclusion because these girls always have pocketful of excuses and more of seductive ways to dissolute your anger into peace and we guys always gets melted as soon as they start babbling with their innocent facial expression. But these girls are the reason sometimes for our happiness and we get used to their so much of unreasonable nagging. In my case, the girls were my saviour. They pushed me in the direction which was my way, into writing stuffs.
The years I’ve lived in Kolkata, I got to understand life more, the people around me made me think of life and its meaning deeper. In the race of life, the one who have no wish to run along with everyone else are considered as losers and those moving in the opposite direction are judged as crazy or dissidents. I ran with everyone else in the so called life’s race in the right direction but I’m surprised to see that I’m not content & satisfaction never surrounded my heart. I decided to stop but my stopping would have affected souls who are much more obliged than me to my life. I continued in the same traditional path as everybody else used, though deep in my soul I knew this is not what I saw myself in future. One fine morning, I’ll wake up from my futile slumber and go in the direction in search of my own future which I imagined when I was in school. Being in the race of life in the traditional way in which everybody else approaches will give me all the materialistic pleasures but my heart will never be at ease. With passing time I fall in love with myself and my writings, each time I read and re-read my writings I’m amazed to believe that I have written this note not for anybody else on this planet but for my satisfaction. This satisfaction is the real sense of pleasure in my life and after my each writings the satisfaction itself is not satisfied with itself, it wants more of it next time and this want will create something better than before. Finally, my quench for this thirst will never be satisfied by plain water but spring water can do a part and spring water is scarce. Love is the reason for our happiness and it is the reason for sadness too but please don’t regret love. This is the beginning.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
It was raining sometime back. I was watching a Bollywood movie in my room alone & when I went out near the end of the gate I was surprised to see the wet veranda. Actually I was so much lost into the movie that I didn’t notice anything else happening around me. Somehow I got distracted when the window panes started banging each other but I didn’t bother to care, I was enjoying the movie very much. And when I saw the wet veranda then the one thing that I did was opened the gate & stepped out, stretched my arms and felt the rain drops cooling my skin. What a relief it was? I just can’t write down in just a blog piece.
My heart was filled with immense joy and happiness. But what is the real worth of happiness if we can’t share it with somebody. Realising that I don’t have anybody to share my good times with, my heart felt like standing in an empty playground where you can go anywhere but you don’t have the eagerness to play. It’s like the player inside you died. But then the moment was so beautiful, these feelings didn’t have much effect on me. I went out on the roads which were soaked with rain water, looking kind of clean though only for few hours you can see its cleanliness. I can’t see anybody on the road except few cars parked on the edge of the road and few dogs roaming here and there and enjoying the rains. And I started walking along with the road without knowing where to go. I just walked slowly, very slowly. I have become the victim of the romantic weather while being in solitude. This is the charisma of a rainy evening. Beautiful!
Guys, I have already adjusted myself with being alone but sometimes these feelings drives me go insane. I could have enjoyed the rain more if I had someone to walk by my side, I could have enjoyed more if I had someone to listen to my stupid talks and shared a big time laugh with me. But this is just a part of life: being lonely.
Finding a person of your type is difficult but very much possible. Listen to me; find someone with whom you can share your feelings without any conditions applied. Life will be at his best & you will have your memorable days to engrave on stone. The child inside you will let you find your happiness; make sure you let the child play freely. Happiness is like wanting to eat the ripe mango on the top of the tree and climbing up through the branches and suck the mango juice yourself.
P.S: Happiness is the only jewel we all must possess.