Thursday, December 22, 2011

Beginning

 

Everyone loves in order to get loved back, to see the world around us loving each other. I loved all my girlfriends the way they wanted to accept my love for them. When I was with those girls, I was like the water which takes the shape of the container in which it is poured & kept. But finally the container gets corroded in course of time and the water leaked from the hole in the container and all those containers were empty soon because all the containers were perhaps made up of iron except the first container which was made up of copper instead. But some external force made the container to fall down and spill the water out of it, though still few drops of water remains in the copper container and so my first love & I can’t get away separate ways even after years of our break up though she insists she loves someone else now.

When I was in school I merely knew what love is. But it was her voice which made me realise that love is listening to her voice, love is answering her stupid questions, love is annoying her and then again pampering her with utmost care, my love understands her silence and her breaths. But after loving, fighting & caring for two years both of us moved apart without saying any words to anyone. We both got busy in our lives. I moved to another city and a year later after completing her higher secondary exams she too moved to some other city for pursuing her higher studies. As the distance between us become larger, another boy who was already inclined towards her somehow made a chance to enter into her life and she never knew when she too fall for that other guy.

I never cared to get back to her in those past years, even though I missed her a lot. But one late night at around 2a.m, I got a call from an unknown number, it was her voice and I was surprised to hell. We were gossiping for last 3 long hours but those three hours were still nothing to express how much we missed her in a year. That night she kissed me through the phone and told me about the guy she loves now. It was like she made the castle of sand for me and ruined it herself in matter of moments. She never left any option in front of me other than to accept her as someone else’s love and I did that. After that night, I fought hard to find love in some other girl and I succeeded but my success couldn’t go long for more than six months. Like this three years passed and in these three years too many break ups for me and I never liked it anyways. I saw each of my break-ups as a new beginning for the unnamed love and I found some new forms in me like a loner, a writer, a kind of poet and a flirt. Being a loner I walked all the alleyways and subways in my surrounding area which I believed to be the best way to know at least some part of a city. It was then when one of my ex girlfriend left me when I started to write poems and now it’s something I can’t imagine to live without. Special thanks to her for leaving me alone otherwise I couldn’t have found the writer or the poet in me. The days of Kolkata, along with several break-ups and patch-ups with different girls made me a flirt. A simple boy who hardly dares to stare at girls becomes a flirt and all my thanks to girls. Even my first love says so and the reason for this is that I am very polite and decent while communicating with girls.

And let me be very honest, girls are capricious like our life and it’s better if we don’t try to understand them and if we try to understand them then we may derive the wrong conclusion because these girls always have pocketful of excuses and more of seductive ways to dissolute your anger into peace and we guys always gets melted as soon as they start babbling with their innocent facial expression. But these girls are the reason sometimes for our happiness and we get used to their so much of unreasonable nagging. In my case, the girls were my saviour. They pushed me in the direction which was my way, into writing stuffs.

The years I’ve lived in Kolkata, I got to understand life more, the people around me made me think of life and its meaning deeper. In the race of life, the one who have no wish to run along with everyone else are considered as losers and those moving in the opposite direction are judged as crazy or dissidents. I ran with everyone else in the so called life’s race in the right direction but I’m surprised to see that I’m not content & satisfaction never surrounded my heart. I decided to stop but my stopping would have affected souls who are much more obliged than me to my life. I continued in the same traditional path as everybody else used, though deep in my soul I knew this is not what I saw myself in future. One fine morning, I’ll wake up from my futile slumber and go in the direction in search of my own future which I imagined when I was in school. Being in the race of life in the traditional way in which everybody else approaches will give me all the materialistic pleasures but my heart will never be at ease. With passing time I fall in love with myself and my writings, each time I read and re-read my writings I’m amazed to believe that I have written this note not for anybody else on this planet but for my satisfaction. This satisfaction is the real sense of pleasure in my life and after my each writings the satisfaction itself is not satisfied with itself, it wants more of it next time and this want will create something better than before. Finally, my quench for this thirst will never be satisfied by plain water but spring water can do a part and spring water is scarce. Love is the reason for our happiness and it is the reason for sadness too but please don’t regret love. This is the beginning.

6 comments:

abhibit03 said...

Superb beginning......lovd reading it.....i know its jst a beginning 4 u hv to go great heights.....love is real nd eternal, it cant b faked...m sure d gal u mentiond wl return bck 2 u...nd wil hope that she gets thru this blog.

Shubhashish said...

Hi Abhijit,
Thanks for reading. Her love for me was real then, now its no more.
connect to me: shubhashish1989@gmail.com

Daydreamertoo said...

You have a whole life ahead of you and when the time is right, you'll meet the girl who is meant for you to fall in love with because she is out there too, waiting for you. I do think we always try too hard to look for love, when we ought to just let it find us.
This is so well written, deep thoughts and full of compassion, and also admitting your own faults and awareness of room for improvement. I don't think anyone ever forgets their first love. But some things are just not meant to be.
Well penned.

Anonymous said...

‎"...RiShta Humara Is Jahaaan Me SabSe PyaRa
Ho JaiSe ZinDaGi Ko Saanso Ka SaHaRa
Haan YaaD KaRna MuJhe Us PaL Me
Jab Tum AkeLe Ho Or Koi Na TUMHARA Ho..." hmmm we all have to move on in life keeping our past aside!!as u said to me that 'dnt scratch your past...it hurts!!!!'

sonamssethia said...

putting your feelings to this extent is showing that you dare to put your life's precious part in words.. i am glad to get you here but one thing is for sure that life will come back to you as you are getting back to it.. all the best.

phann son said...

Nice poignant lines..:)


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