Cross Connection

Here I go off the track again. Thought of beating my loneliness with loneliness itself. Thinking and thinking makes me a emotional fool out here for nothing. Actually trying to figure out What am I? What I am actually suppose to do with my life and the so called bloody future. Lots of cross questioning with my inner-self and the result out of it was simply void. :-) What I figure out was this that, we normal being can't change what gonna happen to our life tomorrow. When I use to be in school, my dad used to say " Read Well! Else you will meet with your future in hell." But I guess dad forget to mention some better crap which can do the same. There is something special in probably everybody's life which leads our way to hell in no time. Guessed? Yeah! Its no other than love. Sometimes I pass through a great ray of dismay when I question myself why does this always happens to me? Why my dedication for the one in the millionth goes in disrespect? How can my special one leave me hopeless? May be God testing my patience. But now I can't stand with it. Now no more GOD.
Few days back somehow after one an half years I gossiped with my first love( which is what I feel). When I felt being close to her, she forced me to make a safe distance from her. She got a boyfriend from the day she left me. Mathematically they are going around with each other for more than one and half years. Logically she had been going with that guy when I was in her life. Oh. Holyshit! I am forced to believe the rumors. I am forced to doubt my love for her for the first time ever. My life has always made me cry like this, without a solid reason. I heard that when god closes one door, he always makes a way for the next door in notime but the next opened door is of no use for sure. Now my inner me binds me from not loving her. She choose someone else, my love has been answered. Its fine I can love someone the way I use to love her, but can she get my kind of love? :-). She is not my cup of tea. Actually I tried the tradition again.

And from that very day I have limited my contact with my latest love. Yeah! love happens many times ;-). She is also a typical girl. She talks with me as I am her boyfriend and when I ask her does she loves me, she says she loves me but as a friend only. She do cares for me a lot but now she is also gone. :) She says " I'm the best thing (yes! thing)she can have". Now it's difficult for me to understand girls. She actually has a crush on someone else but I thought that my love for her would make her close to me, I succeded but the other day she started gossiping with someone else. She is confused. But I am helpless, can't imagine life with out her. Emotional one, true one. Actually emotions always wins over the practical ones.

To be honest now a days I'm trying to make a different world for me. Trying to escape reality in the best suitable way and to be with my last hope only. One thing I need to do quite often is that I need to console my heart again and again. But this silly heart is not at all ready to listen my single word of me. This silly is very optimistic, always have faith in me. :)

This is the sweetest pleasure I have gone through recently. Tired of all this. I don't know why? !
My life has nothing to do with me.

SHUBH. . .

DATE...!!!

18 Aug 2009,

Looks changed, today a new me outside though inside I was the same. Reason? Actually I was asking for a date with Eddy-Teddy but she finally agreed today and made my day different. Thanks to her for a little happiness. :)

We planned for City Centre but there were rumors that there is a bomb. So we changed our meeting point to Esplanade. I reached there by 1:45 pm and she was waiting for me outside KFC. She was with her friend Debarathi who was galloping some dish out there. I happily joined the girls out there. Initially I was very happy to see her after 6 days but later in the writing you'll get to know my feelings. We had lots of fun along with the fabulous items served there by KFC. The sundae was simply superb. I was really very thankful to almighty for making two of us together for sometime at least. I love her a lot; I just can't say how much I love her but only thing I know that I Love her and I mean it. She says she loves me but she is into a relationship, damn it! I can't make myself understand the very fact. I know at the end of the day I'll be a looser again but this time I'm pretty much confident that one day my star will fall for me. I have faith in myself and my love for her and of course GOD. GOD loves everybody and makes everybody happy one final day. I’m also waiting for my final day to come. So I believe in him blindly and I know he won't let me go down.

Oh! Lots of philosophy! ;)

After KFC, we thought what to do?? So we left KFC and thought of watching a movie. She proclaimed for latest Sahid's hit "KAMINEY". But personally speaking I didn't like the movie but no doubt Sahid at his best. So for me it was the best way to stay close to her. In those 2 hours and 30 minutes was nice being with her presence. But when the film ended here comes the bad time for me because we were leaving for home. I really felt very bad when we left for home. But its true behind every happiness there is a void, i mean sadness always prevails in everybody's life. God be with me.

Shubh. . .

FLASHBACK...!!!

I was in college sitting in my semi-fav place i.e. IT lab. Still thinking, tensed, stressed about my coming seminar presentation, preparing PowerPoint presentation. There were few students sitting that day in the lab, so it was more silent. There was a girl sitting beside me of media 1st semester with her friends, Debarathi later I came to know her name. There was a vacant seat on the right side of my seat..a girl came there and sat on the seat and started talking with her friend through my seat as a result I got distracted. And one of my friend Tanuj started to flirt with her which I didn't like. In the mean time I started to talk with her and found her interesting girl, my kinda girl. From the beginning she was very friendly with everybody who was involved teasing me and that girl. I became fond of her from the very beginning. She had her IT test after 1 hours and she didn’t know basics of word. So I thought of making use of my knowledge, I tried to make her learn at least something. In the course of time with in few minutes we became very good friends, I suppose :)..She and her friends were about to leave IT lab, I was in dilemma that should I ask her call number but she a nice girl made my work easy by giving her number to me ;) and in the mean time her friend Debo also exchanged number. At last I wished her best of luck happily :).. Then as I already said I was busy with my project due Thursday and in between texted her quite often as I text a lot. By 4 o'clock I have completed my project. In just few hours I became astonished , I was not the same I suppose as she and only she was hanging around me throughout out the day and night. With in 8 hours we both knew lot of each other..I didn’t counted the hours but she did. During the night I was texting her but I thought of gossiping with her as I was really missing her presence :(. I rang her and she a good girl dropped my call and rang me back..we chatted on many things and in the mean time I told her that I like her a lot..talking with her I came to know , no doubt my unconditional love for her. I don't know why but she took my heart away in our very first meeting :(. I knew the pain of rejection or whatever but who cares I like to be in present and this is where I gone wrong :). I took it for granted that shez also going to be have same feelings for me and unknowingly I hurt both of us ;( ... I cant write the pain which I have gone through.. U know actually he (GOD) doesn't wants me to be happy by heart somewhere he always stuck me into some sort of pain. Actually it's not like that he wants me to understand the world right now, he wants to make me strong but this way really sucks :(..Oh! Second day in college she also had class and she told me that we can meet before 3 pm but I was stuck with my projects again as it needed some modifications. I reached in class an hours late but as usual ma'm gave permission to attend the class which was going to go for an hours but I requested ma'm and packed up class 20 minutes before as I was desperate to see my girl. At last she waited for me and I found her near the exit/entrance area of our college chatting with her few friends and unfortunately that day was Rakhi Purnima..When I go to talk to her my stupid friends made lot of fun of me, which I never minded :).. Then she left for home and I a fool started to follow her for anything, u know I fell in love with her..Beautiful! :) And my f**king friends started poking me right then. And at the same time I needed to go to Sujata Ma'm for requesting her to postpone our project submission date along with my few classmates, they were constantly ringing me.. Everything was almost messed up. I want to spend some time with her but on the other hand that work was also very important. We chatted for 15-20 mins and I left her alone which I cant help. And I ran to 8th floor and heard good news from Arpita that the work is done and will be presentated on Monday. Then again I ran to the bus-stop and thank GOD she was there.. I saw a glimpse of happiness in her eyes and started talking with her. Then we get on the same bus 201 and OFMG the bus was damn crowded anyways we got seat. As the bus was full of crowd we can't talk anymore, so I started texting her..:) And again in the night we chatted on phone till 3am in the morning. And I got to know that her mom is admitted in the hospital due to some severe back pain. She was very upset, so as I. :( This continued for next two days. Those days were probably a ' U ' turn in history of my life. I do have past relationships but never my heart felt like that. May be I was too young to experience those meaning full stuffs. And next day rather night we didn't chatted for the first time as I was nil with my balance and she slept early that night. Next day I texted her she was not replying me. I was really afraid as somewhere in mind someone was telling me number of times you are going to loose her... as a result something of that kind happened , She confessed she have a boy friend and she loves him a lot. :) I was not shocked rather happy she actually said the truth, well she did a bit late but she did and for me that was very important i.e. speaking truth.:)I consoled myself somehow assuming that Love isn't expecting but giving unconditionally which I did :( बोले तो प्यार पाने का नाम नही है किंतु खोने का भी है। :)
But even though I love her a lot ... still have faith in my love that some day she will come to me and say I Love You..I Love You ..I Love You..:)I wish I was Invisible as you are making me feel now.. My heart is still with you.. I'm lost and lonely without you my girl ;(... But do not worry that’s my problem, what you did was very natural..:) In a way, I was prepared for that part of the story. Hope someday you will realize my love for you which is only yours and I'm not going to share my love with anyone. Knowingly or unknowingly I have also hurt her.. and I'm apologizing for whatever I have done ... ;(Yesterday we were texting each other and I somehow hurt her which I never wanted but I always do.. :( At 1am I called her up and she had gone through some immense pain I guess because her voice was breaking constantly..She was missing me :( And a mistake she promised her mom that she will not talk late night but she broke that promise for sake of me.. Its very sad, here I felt hurt. And she dropped the call and we started texting again. She had a test today, well she is good in academics she must have done well. Today also she didn’t messaged me till now..:(
LOVE HAS ALSO SOME END..MAY BE VERY TRUE OR MAY BE VERY WRONG.. :)

CHANGE INDIA CHANGE...

There is a quote which says "If you want a change ,be a change".Though this quote have much weight on paper and may also have in practice.When I was a kid I use to hear that India is developing & today I'm 19 years old still I hear the same India is still developing...huh..That means India will be a developing nation forever but can't be a developed nation ever.It will be a continuous process till our death.

Okey.Stop!

Being a citizen of our country what are our responsibility/duty towards our mother land??

Dumping garbages on the middle of the roads,wasting & misusing our resources provided by our government , fighting for a crap of 2 inches of land , sleeping at office during working hours , peeing by roadside , polluting our eco system abruptly , cutting down trees and jungles , cheating our natives e.t.c are our contribution in making India developing.

What's this people? You all must oblilged to our country that despite of harming to the fullest you people are quite safe here in India.Its a shame on you people.Shame!Shame!

If we people think a bit for our country then we can surely change the picture of India. If we do things from which we are only going to be benifited then please dear gentlemen quit doing that. It wouldn't help India developing. Do a work which atleast help one Indian only.It may make India move forward but surely India will move. Please uninstall the usage of "I" and try using "WE". We are here for serving our mother land.

We specially boys stare at girls blindly who are sexy...wearing mini dresses or tight skinny jeans ;) Suppose in near future we concieve a girl child and after she grows up wears such kind of dresses and other boys stare at her ...What would you do? You will probably make a frowny face or moreover you can blow the spoil brat's face in notime.Isn't it?? Realise this situation..Be broad minded guys.

And one thing I'm really frustated with is that why almost 95% or more of engineers and managment professionals who study in our country ; get the most prestigeous education along with rich indian culture opts to go abroad for rest of their life time for few more penny..Bullshit ! If those people chooses to serve our country then we can again be the "Golden Bird". But people are selfish enough to betray their own country where they were born , where they grew up , where they get their girlfriends ;) , where they had their happy days and many memorable moments to remember.. But even we do not care for our motherland.
Whatever we can do , we must try to do that modestly. And even a little effort towards the change can bring about a vast development in India.So being a true Indian I appeal each Indian to serve their own country as they can.
THANK YOU..!

A must see video for every Indian..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAe_bZGqU1g

If all INDIANS thinks this way today we must have a different picture if our country....

satellite map of my home...

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LOVE U!

bye the way!!!

Sometimes when I ask myself why does this happen to me???...I simply go nowhere with no reasons.Mostly when our nature is in the mood of romance,my heart & soul starts thinking of our past days and says if she would be with me,we both would have enjoyed the beauty of nature(ofcourse free of cost :->) .Virtually I start visualising the circumstance there if we both would be together.Thinking of playing with her hairs,instantly pinching her softly,holding her hands,often caught (red handed) trying to woo her (by her friends),sometimes trying to slide towards her,sometimes asking her to put my arms around her usually makes me laugh at myself.Again steping back to real world I find myself sitting alone OR finding reason in void.Often many times I asked why she did this,silence is the easiest way to deliver.
Did she felt the same pain or simply she don't waant to answer my bullshit questions???Whatever now a days I really don't care of her existence.Why should I always???Enough is enough.I really tried hard for not happening things like this way but I FAILED :-(.She left me alone in this crowd,okey.life doesn't stops it goes on & on.I didn't say anything to her but simplt enquired why?? But even today also I am helpless.May be for her I may not be of any use now.Whatever she did,she did fine.I'm really very thankful to her,she gave me very kind things in life.Thanks to her love,rather ours.Sorry Mr. Unlucky what are you wating for.Move ahead yaar somehow your this part of life needs to be flurished very carefully.
BYE BYE TO HER.....

WHAT'S LOVE???

LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY.

LOVE MEANS TO SEE YOUR SPECIAL ONE WITH CLOSED EYES.

LOVE MEANS TO FEEL SOME ONE WHEN YOU'RE LONELY.

LOVE MEANS TO BE WITH YOUR SPECIAL ONE TILL DEATH.

LOVE MEANS TO BE ALWAYS READY TO COMPROMISE WITH YOUR LOVED ONE.

LOVE MEANS TO KNOW EACH OTHER VERY MINUTELY.

LOVE MEANS TO FEEL THE PAIN WHEN YOUR BELOVED IS IN PAIN.

LOVE MEANS TO DEDICATE YOUR LIFE IN THE NAME OF YOUR BELOVED.

LOVE MEANS TO LOOK INTO THE EYES OF YOUR BELOVE AND LIVE A EVER EVER LONG LIFE.

AND FINALLY LOVE MEANS SIMPLY PYAAR..........

Dedicated to all the lovers across the world.

Look forward for creating a safer 2009...

As we all are aware of the attacks and serial bombblasts last year in almost all the region of india,this year we all must be sincere as a reponsible Indian.The serial blast in Bangalore,Ahmedabad,assam,jaipur,delhi led many people into shock and fear of their life and property.any how surat escaped from the deadly blast and the name behind these attacks were some mujhahhidins..but even then our govt. is still sitting idle.and finally 26/11 mumbai blast awaken the mass and to some extent our cocky govt. mumbai,india's bussiest metro,a place where life has no end points collapesed with in few hours after the jihadis attacked some important hotels such as taj,trident and nariman house are the worst hit places of mumbai.

But the question is what we people didi as being a indian??? And a simple answer to this appealing question is nothing .people all over the world just prayed for who lost their life and property ; to some extent they outpoured their anger in the form of bandhs and protest only.But is this protest and bandhs going to bring back them who have lost their dear ones,who became impaired and handicapped.The total sceneraio all over the world was all diplomatic.Our home minister resgined,some ministers spoke some emotional & heart winning statements only.and the whole sarcasm as done by muslims & ofcourse pakistan's LET.those bullshits trained the poor & uneducated pakis ;and led the whole operation.

fuck enough is enough.now its the time to get serious,damn serious.as an indivisual we must do some thing to overcome these preplanned operations.its time to get united and believe me we can do anything.you know each indivisual need to stand up and say i'll do one small thing to change thing.if we want change we be the change first then only we can influence others.

paar bolne aur karne mein bahut faarq hai.so let us stand togethers to make india brighter and safer india.

HAMMARA INDIA...