Kindness with Weakness: Never compare!

I know many people who always try to take advantage of the other even when it is going to harm or affect the people adversely. These people are selfish, they only want their success. To them only their success, their progress, their welfare, their improvement means everything. They can’t see happiness of other people. Whenever they see someone to be happy they will always ruin their happiness by some or the other means. They envy others. But don’t to worry, they can never be the happiness for anybody. These creatures are simply ignorant of the fact that if they try to find happiness in other’s joy then they can be overwhelmed by super happiness. Doing this, they can make their surrounding full with lots of positive energy. They don’t know the miracle of kindness. They are not kind, that is their weakness.

There are some other sets of people too. They don’t seek any favour behind their work or deeds. They just don’t think for even a blink of eye before helping others. To them others’ success, progress, welfare, improvements counts. They feel content and happy when they help others, make them happy. When they drag people out of problems, they feel content. They don’t have any thing to fear, that is their nature. They find happiness in their pain. They feel the hurt & pain suffered by others. They understand that whatever they do, they will get back the same thing back from life. After all Newton’s Law applies in all aspects of our life. These kind of people are full of enthusiasm & energy. These people are loved by everybody else. They know their meaning of life. Whenever they can help any needy person, they feel themselves grateful. This is their weakness, they are kind.

Success Mindset

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Success Mindset

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I want to quit addiction!

This is about my very close friend who is a addict. I don’t know what is this addiction known as globally but here in Kolkata people call in “Dendrite Addiction”. Dendrite is a adhesive glue used to paste some broken things and the smell is breath taking. Dendrite is put into some plastic bag and then the smell or odour is inhaled through nose or mouth. This is a chronic disease which can lead to kidney failure, liver disease, damage to bone marrow, nervous system breakdown, memory loss to name a few. If a person is seriously addicted to dendrite then he can live a life of maximum ten years.

Question arises why people do inhale dendrite? In most of the cases here, the main reason which I found is that when you inhale dendrite you don’t feel hungry. But when you are starving and there is no food to have, may be it seems easier to inhale this to supress appetite or hunger. This is very pathetic situation to feel. And mostly the addicts are street side children and school students. I personally feel very sorry for their life’s condition.

Rohit(name changed) is a very good person by heart. He is good at studies, optimistic, helpful, enthusiastic etc. Overall a nice person to be with, which I believe. But unfortunately he is a “dendrite addict”, he wants to quit it but he can’t help stop inhaling. Few days back, he was taking dendrite along a quiet road and suddenly two policemen came. First they slapped him hard, then in the next move they took him with them and thrown him behind the bars. He begged them to let him go but police always have deaf ears, all those persons are hungry for money. After, 5 hours someone informed his parents. They came to the police station terrified, requested the officials to release him but it was of no help. The officials kept him in the prison till next morning.

I have been to his house, I had a brief talk with him about the matter. He was very sorry for what he did. He was apologetically saying that for him his parents went to jail, which I feel is very unfortunate act which one could do being a child. When asked,"why don’t you quit dendrite?” he told that, “I want to quit it. Even I have minimised the number of times of inhaling dendrite. I can’t completely stop it. I want to but I can’t because when ever the urge for inhaling dendrite comes then nothing except a tube of dendrite & a poly bag can make him calm and once they are in my hands i can’t resist to inhale them.” His parents are aware of the fact that society will make fun of their family, may be people even dislike him for his this habit. But they seriously needs a doctor for him. I know they want their child to experience hell at this age of early 20s.

He needs help. He asked me for some homeopathy medicines for quitting dendrite. I am into my research for him. Found some rehabilitation centres in Kolkata. If someone can give any more information on this regard then it may save someone’s future. Please! it is not possible for me to eradicate these nuisances & nasty practices alone. I need your help, support & love. Leave comments on how can you help people around you to quit chronic addiction. Help them, save life.

Promises Made! Hopefully will be kept!

Each time I make a promise, somehow the promises I made could not be kept. Sometimes I broke the promises & sometimes to whom the promise has been made went away from my life. Today after introspection, I found that whatever the times be being a part of the promise I must at least try to keep my words of confidence intact. I must be true to myself, which doesn’t means just to promise & forget, but to promise and keep the promise. I have always believed in honesty that is what my parents taught me in my childhood and I will always be the same honest true person through out my life. Life is one & I want to make it a meaning, so that when ever I retrospect, I can smile & feel proud of my deeds.

Yester night I have realised that I get much more satisfaction & pleasure when I write things down. I believe this to a good medium to be closer to my dream. And this practice will help me to improve the language itself in which I prefer to write. Though I can give my best in non other than English. I didn’t tried my hands at Hindi but I believe I can pretty well execute my writings in plain Hindi.

Some of my friends complain, “Why I do lot of Facebook & Twitter?” The answer to their very question is simple and precise, i.e. Whenever some idea clicked into my brains I write it in my cell phone & GRPS and some social networking software like Snaptu helps me to update my status in these social networking websites in few seconds. And I am very delighted to say that some of my friend loves to read my updates, sometimes they even copy my update and paste the same in their updates. This makes me a happy man. I love it.

I believe a lot in my potential to write. Though I couldn’t give much time to writing. I promise myself to write at least 4 blog posts in a month. I have realised on more truth of life, i.e. In life whatever condition you be, you are the only one who will be responsible for your life’s days. I have seen lots of dream through my eyes in this small life & I want to see my dream in reality. I want people to learn this. I find this to be the best way to stay fit, stay happy. May be this is my start, I want my end in a dignified manner. And believe me friends the road I have chosen for me will not be a easy one to walk through. And I have to fight a good fight to see the end of the road. I may fall thousand times, but I will stand the one thousand and oneth time. This I promise tonight.

Mood Swings!

Today I was going through many sudden mood swings. And I think, I know why so?

Somehow opened my eyes after 4 hours of sleep through all the day. Reached college late by almost 30mins but that was not the problem anyway. Exams are at hand, so downfall in the attendance only 5 students attended the class. Like the class the duration of the class is also decreasing respectively. Though the main purpose of going college today was mainly for submitting the Internship Training Report. After the class, gone to the near by tea stall; had a fag there which was by courtesy: Sourish. Thanks to him. Got some phone calls & couple of messages from friends that they need my help in completing their Training Report. They were in the IT lab, which use to be my semi-favourite place sometime back in college. Now, the perception is completely changed. Helped some of my poor buddies. They will never change. Though I help them just to receive lots of thanks & blessings.

One thing I would like to blog about here now is about: Shomo Shuvra Das, one of my best friend of college. He is such a dickhead, you people have no idea. This fucking pain in my neck didn’t bothered to complete his Training Report. And today even I didn’t bothered to help him. Do u know why? I could have made his complete project in matter of a day. but can this help him to get over with the problem he is facing to cope up with TR? Of course not. But I don’t know ‘How to make him understand this simple thing which will only benefit him but no one else. He was upset with me today. He didn’t talked to me much. But instead I made a hell lot of fun of him in front of many colleagues. He is hanging in between: pass & fail. I wish he can pass the TR with reasonably good scores. So is the case with: Tanuj. Same wishes for him. I hope Arpita grant them permission to present the TR some other day. Best Wishes Guys.

After making fun and insulting him, I went to Library for studying my TR for Viva. All was good, until she came to library. (Sorry I don’t want to name her.) After she moved away from me, I find it very hard to face her. But after those unfortunate happening I was all right with whatever happened because the reason she gave for breaking up was pretty reasonable. I understood her problem. And I personally never wanted to carry a relationship in grey matter. And she told me ‘She will love me forever’, which is a bullshit. I was pretty emotionally attached with her. She took due advantage of that, which I can realise now a days. I thought she was true to me. But she proved me wrong & many people to count. There is some other guy with him she is going around with. I know that guy well, he is our classmate. But it would have been a foolish idea to let a girl go if she is willing to go around with you. My friend took the favour offered by that b****h. Sry Guys! I thought for a while about our relationship. Her promises and all the love she had for me.(I m not sure if she really loved me or made me a fool.) Then her meaning in my life changed like the Kolkata Traffic. She was trying to talk with me in the Viva, but I reacted rudely with her and with her friends too. Apologise! And of course what I told my friends today, i.e. the definition of girls: they are like the buses, if one goes next will surely come in few time. Even then for what she did, else doing she have no hint that I know about what she is trying to end up with.

In the viva exam, got good marks. 90/100 is not a bad marks either. But that is to some extent due to my professor as he was lenient towards the mass. I was well prepared for the Viva but a single gaze of her screwed everything today. I am not happy within. I was not the one before which I am now. I have never used such abusive words for anybody that’s a history now. I want peace of mind. I want to forget her. I had almost 2500 msgs in my phone but thank god my phone crashed so the msgs because i knew I would have never deleted her single msg with my hands. I think even God don’t want me to be a inch close to her. After coming home from giving routine tuition, i went right inside my bed. Nothing came into my mind to do right then. I wish only one person reads this: Prasun K Das, my cousin brother. He directed me to write this draft. He is the only person whom I think knows me better than me.

Now, I can sleep or pretend to sleep quietly.

I don’t know, if I am doing right by publicly stretching the personal issues. I am sorry!

Joy!

Take chances, tell the Truth!

Learn to say no!

Spend all your money!

Get to know someone random!

Say ‘I Love You’ to someone in life you love!

Be mean! Make fun of mean people!

Sing out loud!

Share somebody’s pain!

Take revenge! Apologize!

Laugh when you fall!

Get into a fight!

Tell someone how much they mean to u!

Tell  someone how much you hate them!

Tell the idiot how much he/she hurts you!

Abuse someone who deserves it!

Sit alone, watch the rain & cry!

Laugh till your stomach hurts!

Dance even if you are too bad at it!

Pose stupidly for snaps!

Call your loved one at the middle of the night!

Go & live life…

Because you know it’s going to end one day!

 

 

I am a free man

For quiet sometime I have not drafted on any topic. Though I have utilized this time in writing few poems, reading few life enhancing novels, gaining lots of information about Indian culture, Bengali cul-ture too; improved my thinking about love, relationships, duality of the human nature & real meaning of freedom. Of all the things I learned & improved upon, freedom is the most vital ingredient for self development of human being and as well as human soul.
Generally I have heard people speaking of freedom. They all talk about doing whatever we feel like is freedom. But is this is the limit of real freedom? Doing whatever, whatever has no limit. It may depict standing on the edge of the 30th floor and feeling the air blowing, jumping in the name of love & singing the song “Apologize” of “One Republic” loud or merely it may be seducing a blonde girl in the pub, proposing her for a long drive & then ending up making one night stand with the blonde & playing the song “Waiting for Tonight” of “Jenifer Lopez”, of course in the background. Freedom has different meaning in different scenario. It is not a constant; it varies from time to time, situation to situation. Even freedom is not free; it’s the situation or the scene that defines the freedom at that point. Everything including freedom depends on something other. It’s like that we all are inter-linked into a web network.
Sometimes I come across this question too, “Does everybody do whatever they feel like?” Answer to this question is an obvious “no”. That means than many people are not free either. They are bound to do things what they don’t want & they all perhaps pretend to be happy about what they do & always try to feel free and hence experience the unreal freedom. They always know from within that they don’t want to do whatever they are doing. But then why they do these things when they know what they are doing is not leading them to satisfaction? Because they don’t want to disrespect their loved one who expects them to do according to their wishes. They simply don’t want to stand for their own wishes & again in future they will repeat their past and one fine day “death” will come their way & they will go to heaven or hell which is of course calculated on their “work”.
“Is this the life living worth?” I believe and always will that “This is our life. Of course, our creation is the greatest truth of our parents love for each other. And like they love each other a lot, they love us too. And parents always want their child to get all the pleasures they have dreamed of some night. They care for our well being. They are the only teachers who taught us how to live in this cruel world. That’s why they expect us to do according to their wishes, so that we don’t get hurt ever.” But what about our wishes, desires, dreams & freedom? At times for living for our own desired life we need to betray everybody who tries to be the obstacle in the path of our goal. We should feel free to express “what we want” at least to our parents & I believe that if they love us then they will surely love the life which we have desired for ourselves. This will make u an able man in the long run.
This is the freedom I am talking about. Choosing your life the way you want it and keep everybody smiling at the same time. Freedom is all about expressing our heart’s desire to anyone. Freedom is nothing but standing still for your life’s greatest desire. It is about giving your life a meaning to live & earn. It’s about pouring your heart’s desire and sees those in reality so that we can live in freedom. A river never stops flowing even if the terrain is high it slows down its speed but continues to flow freely again.
I have a friend of mine, who wanted to join defense. But their parents never wanted him to join any-thing like that. They forced him to pursue a professional course & join some MNC in future. His parents took his career’s decision on his behalf. Now he is not interested what he is doing. He has become the most boring boy I have ever known. He have lost his happiness & of course freedom. Though he always try to escape reality by watching lots of war movies at a high volume, so that he can create a fake environment and live some moments of his desired life. Sometimes I feel sorry for him. He is the only one who can help him to overcome this situation & feel freedom. Hope one day he can stand for what he wants to be. So feel free to express, hence you can attain freedom.

Cross Connection

Here I go off the track again. Thought of beating my loneliness with loneliness itself. Thinking and thinking makes me a emotional fool out here for nothing. Actually trying to figure out What am I? What I am actually suppose to do with my life and the so called bloody future. Lots of cross questioning with my inner-self and the result out of it was simply void. :-) What I figure out was this that, we normal being can't change what gonna happen to our life tomorrow. When I use to be in school, my dad used to say " Read Well! Else you will meet with your future in hell." But I guess dad forget to mention some better crap which can do the same. There is something special in probably everybody's life which leads our way to hell in no time. Guessed? Yeah! Its no other than love. Sometimes I pass through a great ray of dismay when I question myself why does this always happens to me? Why my dedication for the one in the millionth goes in disrespect? How can my special one leave me hopeless? May be God testing my patience. But now I can't stand with it. Now no more GOD.
Few days back somehow after one an half years I gossiped with my first love( which is what I feel). When I felt being close to her, she forced me to make a safe distance from her. She got a boyfriend from the day she left me. Mathematically they are going around with each other for more than one and half years. Logically she had been going with that guy when I was in her life. Oh. Holyshit! I am forced to believe the rumors. I am forced to doubt my love for her for the first time ever. My life has always made me cry like this, without a solid reason. I heard that when god closes one door, he always makes a way for the next door in notime but the next opened door is of no use for sure. Now my inner me binds me from not loving her. She choose someone else, my love has been answered. Its fine I can love someone the way I use to love her, but can she get my kind of love? :-). She is not my cup of tea. Actually I tried the tradition again.

And from that very day I have limited my contact with my latest love. Yeah! love happens many times ;-). She is also a typical girl. She talks with me as I am her boyfriend and when I ask her does she loves me, she says she loves me but as a friend only. She do cares for me a lot but now she is also gone. :) She says " I'm the best thing (yes! thing)she can have". Now it's difficult for me to understand girls. She actually has a crush on someone else but I thought that my love for her would make her close to me, I succeded but the other day she started gossiping with someone else. She is confused. But I am helpless, can't imagine life with out her. Emotional one, true one. Actually emotions always wins over the practical ones.

To be honest now a days I'm trying to make a different world for me. Trying to escape reality in the best suitable way and to be with my last hope only. One thing I need to do quite often is that I need to console my heart again and again. But this silly heart is not at all ready to listen my single word of me. This silly is very optimistic, always have faith in me. :)

This is the sweetest pleasure I have gone through recently. Tired of all this. I don't know why? !
My life has nothing to do with me.

SHUBH. . .

DATE...!!!

18 Aug 2009,

Looks changed, today a new me outside though inside I was the same. Reason? Actually I was asking for a date with Eddy-Teddy but she finally agreed today and made my day different. Thanks to her for a little happiness. :)

We planned for City Centre but there were rumors that there is a bomb. So we changed our meeting point to Esplanade. I reached there by 1:45 pm and she was waiting for me outside KFC. She was with her friend Debarathi who was galloping some dish out there. I happily joined the girls out there. Initially I was very happy to see her after 6 days but later in the writing you'll get to know my feelings. We had lots of fun along with the fabulous items served there by KFC. The sundae was simply superb. I was really very thankful to almighty for making two of us together for sometime at least. I love her a lot; I just can't say how much I love her but only thing I know that I Love her and I mean it. She says she loves me but she is into a relationship, damn it! I can't make myself understand the very fact. I know at the end of the day I'll be a looser again but this time I'm pretty much confident that one day my star will fall for me. I have faith in myself and my love for her and of course GOD. GOD loves everybody and makes everybody happy one final day. I’m also waiting for my final day to come. So I believe in him blindly and I know he won't let me go down.

Oh! Lots of philosophy! ;)

After KFC, we thought what to do?? So we left KFC and thought of watching a movie. She proclaimed for latest Sahid's hit "KAMINEY". But personally speaking I didn't like the movie but no doubt Sahid at his best. So for me it was the best way to stay close to her. In those 2 hours and 30 minutes was nice being with her presence. But when the film ended here comes the bad time for me because we were leaving for home. I really felt very bad when we left for home. But its true behind every happiness there is a void, i mean sadness always prevails in everybody's life. God be with me.

Shubh. . .

FLASHBACK...!!!

I was in college sitting in my semi-fav place i.e. IT lab. Still thinking, tensed, stressed about my coming seminar presentation, preparing PowerPoint presentation. There were few students sitting that day in the lab, so it was more silent. There was a girl sitting beside me of media 1st semester with her friends, Debarathi later I came to know her name. There was a vacant seat on the right side of my seat..a girl came there and sat on the seat and started talking with her friend through my seat as a result I got distracted. And one of my friend Tanuj started to flirt with her which I didn't like. In the mean time I started to talk with her and found her interesting girl, my kinda girl. From the beginning she was very friendly with everybody who was involved teasing me and that girl. I became fond of her from the very beginning. She had her IT test after 1 hours and she didn’t know basics of word. So I thought of making use of my knowledge, I tried to make her learn at least something. In the course of time with in few minutes we became very good friends, I suppose :)..She and her friends were about to leave IT lab, I was in dilemma that should I ask her call number but she a nice girl made my work easy by giving her number to me ;) and in the mean time her friend Debo also exchanged number. At last I wished her best of luck happily :).. Then as I already said I was busy with my project due Thursday and in between texted her quite often as I text a lot. By 4 o'clock I have completed my project. In just few hours I became astonished , I was not the same I suppose as she and only she was hanging around me throughout out the day and night. With in 8 hours we both knew lot of each other..I didn’t counted the hours but she did. During the night I was texting her but I thought of gossiping with her as I was really missing her presence :(. I rang her and she a good girl dropped my call and rang me back..we chatted on many things and in the mean time I told her that I like her a lot..talking with her I came to know , no doubt my unconditional love for her. I don't know why but she took my heart away in our very first meeting :(. I knew the pain of rejection or whatever but who cares I like to be in present and this is where I gone wrong :). I took it for granted that shez also going to be have same feelings for me and unknowingly I hurt both of us ;( ... I cant write the pain which I have gone through.. U know actually he (GOD) doesn't wants me to be happy by heart somewhere he always stuck me into some sort of pain. Actually it's not like that he wants me to understand the world right now, he wants to make me strong but this way really sucks :(..Oh! Second day in college she also had class and she told me that we can meet before 3 pm but I was stuck with my projects again as it needed some modifications. I reached in class an hours late but as usual ma'm gave permission to attend the class which was going to go for an hours but I requested ma'm and packed up class 20 minutes before as I was desperate to see my girl. At last she waited for me and I found her near the exit/entrance area of our college chatting with her few friends and unfortunately that day was Rakhi Purnima..When I go to talk to her my stupid friends made lot of fun of me, which I never minded :).. Then she left for home and I a fool started to follow her for anything, u know I fell in love with her..Beautiful! :) And my f**king friends started poking me right then. And at the same time I needed to go to Sujata Ma'm for requesting her to postpone our project submission date along with my few classmates, they were constantly ringing me.. Everything was almost messed up. I want to spend some time with her but on the other hand that work was also very important. We chatted for 15-20 mins and I left her alone which I cant help. And I ran to 8th floor and heard good news from Arpita that the work is done and will be presentated on Monday. Then again I ran to the bus-stop and thank GOD she was there.. I saw a glimpse of happiness in her eyes and started talking with her. Then we get on the same bus 201 and OFMG the bus was damn crowded anyways we got seat. As the bus was full of crowd we can't talk anymore, so I started texting her..:) And again in the night we chatted on phone till 3am in the morning. And I got to know that her mom is admitted in the hospital due to some severe back pain. She was very upset, so as I. :( This continued for next two days. Those days were probably a ' U ' turn in history of my life. I do have past relationships but never my heart felt like that. May be I was too young to experience those meaning full stuffs. And next day rather night we didn't chatted for the first time as I was nil with my balance and she slept early that night. Next day I texted her she was not replying me. I was really afraid as somewhere in mind someone was telling me number of times you are going to loose her... as a result something of that kind happened , She confessed she have a boy friend and she loves him a lot. :) I was not shocked rather happy she actually said the truth, well she did a bit late but she did and for me that was very important i.e. speaking truth.:)I consoled myself somehow assuming that Love isn't expecting but giving unconditionally which I did :( बोले तो प्यार पाने का नाम नही है किंतु खोने का भी है। :)
But even though I love her a lot ... still have faith in my love that some day she will come to me and say I Love You..I Love You ..I Love You..:)I wish I was Invisible as you are making me feel now.. My heart is still with you.. I'm lost and lonely without you my girl ;(... But do not worry that’s my problem, what you did was very natural..:) In a way, I was prepared for that part of the story. Hope someday you will realize my love for you which is only yours and I'm not going to share my love with anyone. Knowingly or unknowingly I have also hurt her.. and I'm apologizing for whatever I have done ... ;(Yesterday we were texting each other and I somehow hurt her which I never wanted but I always do.. :( At 1am I called her up and she had gone through some immense pain I guess because her voice was breaking constantly..She was missing me :( And a mistake she promised her mom that she will not talk late night but she broke that promise for sake of me.. Its very sad, here I felt hurt. And she dropped the call and we started texting again. She had a test today, well she is good in academics she must have done well. Today also she didn’t messaged me till now..:(
LOVE HAS ALSO SOME END..MAY BE VERY TRUE OR MAY BE VERY WRONG.. :)